Referral --- Merry Christmas to us!

Finally, we officially received our new referral. Baby A is a 3 month old boy, healthy, and paper ready! Sharon, the director of the Ethiopia program, called us herself on Christmas morning to give us the news. We were so thrilled and appreciative that she would take time out on her holiday, even while she was out of town with family, to call us and give us this wonderful Christmas gift! ... YEAH!!!!

My perfect timing must not be His!

Yesterday, December 12, was our 10 year wedding anniversary. I told God that would be a great day to get the call for our new referral. I even told Him that it would be perfect timing! Laughingly, I also told Him that He probably doesn't care what my perfect is, because His ways are higher than mine. I guess He proved me right....No call yesterday...or today, for that matter! Oh, well, there's still tomorrow (before another long weekend waiting!).

By the way, though, we did have a great day celebrating. We left work early, skipped church, and had a free babysitter. It was a fun night of movies, fine dining, and Christmas shopping. Just perfect to be together (alone) for a change!

Time to Break the Silence

I have taken the last 2 weeks to sort through my feelings on what I am about to share, so I'm very sorry for the silence. The day after Thanksgiving, the director of the Ethiopia program called and told us that things had not gone well in court. The court did not rule in our favor. There was an issue with the birth family (nothing to do with our papers or our agency). Unfortunately, Baby Z will not be coming home to live with us; but I do hope that he will be reunited with his family and sibling.

That has been my prayer for him since the day we learned of the details surrounding his relinquishment. I believe God placed him in our hearts for the last two months so that we could pray the will of the Lord over his life. Despite sounding like a platitude, I truly do trust that God's will has been done in this situation.

Our family has grieved somewhat over the loss. In fact, I have felt similarly to what I experienced after my miscarriage. Although I did not know this baby, he already lived in my heart and so the loss was real. His name, his pictures, the things around the house that were bought especially for him, and the hope of bringing him home for his 1st Christmas...those things were all very real to us and had to be laid at the foot of Jesus, trusting that He is enough for us and for that little one. I have to believe that His Heavenly Father loves him more than we or his birthparents ever could. That is why I trust that this story will have a good ending for Baby Z.

In the meantime, we have been offered a referral for a one month old. We are currently awaiting the remainder of the medicals so that the agency can officially present us with the referral package. I am hoping it will be tomorrow, but it will most likely be next week. We don't anticipate traveling until mid to late January at this point. But, I'm sure that will help with the cost of airfare and help our little ones here at home adjust to the new idea. It would have been hard for me to leave them over Christmas, anyway, so I am glad that I won't have to deal with that emotion on top of everything else!

Yes, we have a court date!!!

Um...TOMORROW! Very unprecedented, I think. Most people have been getting notice that their court date is in 2 weeks or so. For some reason, our director did not know until today that our court date is tomorrow, November 20. So, I have been pacing the floor all evening and calling friends and family with the good news. I feel like I should be doing something right now to get ready for the trip, but have no idea what I can do this evening. Plus, we don't know if we will for sure be traveling in 3 weeks as we are working with the State of Illinois to get approval for travel (long story:) I know it will all work out and somehow God will provide all the money, time and energy it will take to be ready to go get our little boy. So, I will be praying tonight that God will cause things to go smoothly tomorrow in order for him to be officially ours. Then, I will post pictures! ....Yeah!!!!

Apparently, A Mother Doesn't Know!

Yes, we are still waiting for our court date. I guess my last entry was a bit premature...I was just so sure! Oh, well. There is nothing we can do to move things along and I have plenty to keep me busy here at home right now, so I will keep praying and hoping for the phone to ring! Maybe he won't be home for Christmas this year, after all! That does make me a bit sad, because it would be the perfect time to bring him home and have him here for all these firsts. God knows what's best though, so I'll just be patient!!!

Still Waiting

Of course, we haven't waited all that long, so I shouldn't be complaining; but we are still waiting on our court date. Based on the amount of nesting I've been doing around this house this last week, I'm guessing that we will get the call in the next few days! (Last time I spent a week nesting like this, we got our referral the following Wed:) So, maybe not hard, scientific data here; but, still, a mother knows... right?

OK...Scratch That!

I just heard from the head of the Ethiopia program that we can't send care packages to infants, only to older children. So, I guess I will not be sending the first gift. I'll just have to hold onto it until we meet him. I think I'll let him wear it home.

1st Gift to Our Son

I'm sending a package with our first little gift to our son. Since he is only 3 months old, I am not sending much. But, it is worth noting that the outfit has airplanes on it, since that's the way we are going to get him home! And, the little teddy bear blanket has sports balls on it. It matches his crib bedding (chosen by his big brother, of course!)

Packing List

I mentioned this great packing list in my last post, and someone requested that I share. Here is the one that Stacie directed me to:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=pkbFu4FD39ln7MT8LimTaag

It is really fun because it is from someone who has been there and she tells whether or not she used it, wished she had it, or wished she hadn't taken it.

I'm not usually much of a planner when it comes to things like packing. I tend to throw things in the night before an international trip. Or, for last year's vacation, I brought my husband home from an unexpected trip to the hospital and we decided to head out that afternoon. So, I literally packed the van for a week to Florida with 3 kids in about 2 hours!...Crazy! But, I figured that where there was a super-Walmart, I should not lack! However, I plan to follow this packing list as a guide for myself, because I have a feeling there will not be a super-Walmart around the corner from the House of Hope!

Awaiting the Court Date

Things are in motion with our referral! Tsegay (our agencies' contact in Addis) has begun moving our case through the various ministries so that we will be awaiting our court date. Sharon (the director of CHI's Ethiopia program) believes we can plan to travel in two months. So, I am curious to know if we will be there over our 10th anniversary, which is December 12. I hope that we will be back in time for Christmas...What a great gift that would be to our family!

Now I want to put together a package to send to our baby boy. On Monday, I also need to make appointments for us to start our shots for travel. I already have a great packing list that someone posted on our Yahoo group, so I think that will make packing much simpler. Anyway, there's much to do...

Pictures!!!

I just received another email from Julia with more photos of Baby Z. I can't believe how much I am stalking my email right now, waiting for another glimpse of his face! In today's photo, he was looking directly at the camera and I felt like I could really see into those sweet eyes....I am officially in love! I know there's a kindred spirit in that little soul and I can't wait to unearth all the treasures that he will bring to our lives. Yeah for email (and instant gratification) for this mama!

Eating for Two?

Is it possible to gain weight with a paper pregnancy? Because I seem to be eating for two this last week! In fact, I just baked a double-batch of brownies tonight for "the kids". But, truthfully, I ate enough brownie dough to blow that cover before they even came out of the oven:) Somewhere among dreadfully excited to finally have a name and face for which to pray, terribly anxious about finances, and striving to trust God with everything, I have given in to many cravings! So, off to Curves I go tomorrow morning. I have to get in my 3 workouts this week and knock off some chocolate or I'm going to have some serious baby-fat to lose by the time Baby Z comes home!

What's In a Name?

We have had the name Caleb since my 2nd pregnancy. After my 3rd pregnancy, and 2 girls later, we decided that must be the name we were going to use for baby #4. So, for the last 18-months in which we have been "paper-pregnant" we keep calling the baby "Caleb".

Until 2 months ago that is, when I started telling Paul that I thought Zeke was a cute nickname. He wasn't sure that was a good nickname for Caleb (?) but I told him I liked the sound of it with Cole, Hope, and Lela. So, we didn't think too much more of it until the social worker called with our referral. She said, "I don't know how to pronounce his name, but let me spell it for you...Z...E..." Ok, at that point I stopped listening and started yelling, "Are you kidding?" I couldn't believe his name began with "ze"...close enough to Zeke for me!

So, we still don't know if we will keep Caleb or ditch it altogether; but for now, he is "Baby Z". That seems appropriate enough!

"The Call" Has Finally Come!

Today was the day! I can hardly believe it! I got the call from our social worker, Julia, this morning around 10:30 or 11:00 and she said "I have a baby boy for you!"....I couldn't believe it...I just started to cry and told her how timely it was and how perfect it was of God to choose this day (for many reasons of which I will not bore you). Finally, she asked if I wanted to know about the baby. Yes, of course, I just had to stop blabbering to pull myself together enough to listen! He is 2 1/2 months old and healthy. He is still very small, but currently in our agencies' transitional housing. I don't think I can share his name through this medium, but I hope to be able to post his name and pictures of him very soon. Let's pray for a quick court date!!! I'd love to be able to travel to get him before the end of the year so he'll be home for Christmas.

Honestly, I had a very emotional moment while we were learning of his family and how he came to be relinquished. I was surprised at how moved in grief I was for his loss. It just became profoundly real when I heard a story that was now attached to a face and a name. He's not just a statistic; he's my son. So, while I celebrate this day, I also remember to pray that God will be with him to comfort his grieving soul and bring peace to his family. I know that this divine door of destiny did not come without a price.

My Own Little Baby Shower

Well, this morning, my sister and I awoke very early in spite of the fact that we are both pretty tired from our church's annual conference that is currently going on and we went to a Mother of Twins' re-sale event (it is a group that my sister belongs to). We were one of the first in the door and I went crazy. I got the whole infant carseat/stroller system and lots of other things like bouncy chairs, bath seats, burpclothes, bibs, and baby monitor! My sister is currently in the process of adopting 2 children from Guatemala, so we had her van packed full! When we put all of our things in the van and started driving away, she said, "It feels like we just had a little baby shower for ourselves!" And, as I brought the things into the family room this morning, I was very overwhelmed by emotion. I couldn't believe that it is this close to being real...I'm going to be a mom to an infant again. I'm both terribly excited and very afraid (pretty much the same feelings I had when I was 8 months pregnant!) There's no going back now and I can't wait...Somehow a bit of a paradox to me, but I'm relishing every step of the way, regardless of my ability to philosophize about it:)

Meeting the Author

Well, I haven't posted in quite some time because there has been nothing new to say. We literally are in the waiting process. Once our dossier left our hands to go to Ethiopia, there has been nothing else for us to do except wait on the referral. The two families that were in line ahead of us for an infant have already traveled and come home, so it really will be coming any day now!

However, we did do something exciting this last week. On Thursday, Paul and I drove to Chicago to meet Melissa Fay Greene, author of There Is No Me Without You, the book at the top of every Ethiopian adoption reading list. She is currently on a book signing tour, as her book just came out in paperback, and she was at a Barnes and Noble in Evanston, Illinois. So, we found family to watch the kids and we headed up the road! She gave a great lecture, inserting readings from her book, and then she took some questions. It was very helpful to hear from someone who has adopted five children. She knows firsthand some of the trials and joys of this process, balanced with being informed as a journalist about the statistics of the current situation in Ethiopia. Afterward we had the opportunity to meet her personally and she was very approachable and gracious. We got home about 2:00 in the morning; but we had fun!

So, now I feel that I have officially entered the "nesting" stage of this paper pregnancy. I am painting the playroom, wallpapering my bathroom, making Paul take next weekend (after our church's fall conference) to finish the remodel on our back bathroom, and I am going to try to finish some of the miscellaneous things I've been wanting to do in the kids' bedrooms. For some reason, I am suddenly seeing every dusty fan and broken window blind and feeling the need to do some serious house cleaning, too! Next Saturday I am going with my sister to a mother of twins' resale day in hopes of finding some of the baby items I need (since I sold most of my things after Lela outgrew using them!)

So, again, here's to that referral coming soon, before I wear Paul out with his honey-do list!!!...

Dossier On its Way!

Well, last Thursday and Friday (before Memorial Day) I went into overtime collecting everything I needed for the dossier. I had things to print and copy, signatures to acquire and notary stamps to get. Throughout the weekend I was able to get everything together and I went to see Julia at CHI to have her look over everything. We found 3 things I should change. So, I went back to Gina (my personal notary, apparently!) Wednesday morning before we went to Springfield. Paul and I took the kids and we headed out for a day trip to our State's capital. When we arrived at the Capitol building we took the kids for a quick tour and found a tunnel to take from one building to the rotunda floor. Then we found the Index building where we went to get our dossier state certified. Except for a few minor details, which we quickly worked out, everything passed inspection and we left with our state-certified documents! Yeah!!!



After that, we called Jenni Grigsby-Rogal, a friend we met through CHI's Ethiopia adoption yahoo group. She and her husband, Jim, work on the Senate floor. They came out and said hi, introduced us to our Senator, and showed us around a bit. Jenni gave us a Congratulations card on accomplishing this step in our adoption process. It was very sweet!



We had a great day together as a family. It was exciting and somehow profound. I still can't imagine that all of this paperchase is going to produce a child forever becoming part of our family...How providential is our God?! It's amazing!



So, Thursday was my last workday to get everything done to be gone on vacation for a week. I didn't get to FedEx before it closed, so I brought my package with me in the car when we left early Friday morning for Florida. When we reached Paducah, we wasted almost an hour looking for a FedEx drop site. It was in vain! Finally, we got back on the road. Once we got off in Chatanooga, we searched again. It was 5:30 p.m. when we finally found a site. They had already picked up for the day...uggh! However, the man working there said he would walk my envelope across the street and put it in the drop box that was picked up at 6:30. So, it was officially out of my hands!

Now it is off to CHI where it will be bundled and sent to Washington, D.C. to be authenticated at the Secretary of State and Ethiopian Embassy. After that it is off to Ethiopia! I guess we are getting to the point in our journey in which a referral picture is right around the corner - I can't wait!

Is it Real?

This whole journey so far seems very surreal. I can't quite wrap my mind around traveling to Africa and holding my son in my arms. I've been on several missions trips, traveled to six other countries in my lifetime, and yet have never gone with my husband. (Much less expected to come back with a person!) How can I even begin to understand God's sovereignty on this issue?! Even though I am very excited, it just seems strange to think and dream about it. We are at the point, though, that it could happen sooner than I realize. I guess it's time to start getting excited!

The last few weeks there has been nothing new to tell. I have been extremely busy with church and school things. The only end in sight to all of that is May 11 (when school ends). The morning of the 13th I am going full swing into getting my dossier prepared and hopefully can get everything authenticated at the state level and off to my agency before we leave on vacation at the end of the month. I don't think it will be all that difficult now that I've already prepared my homestudy. I have a sense of what I have to do, anyway. So, here's to fast document collecting...

What's in a Dossier?

Over the weekend I received our package from CHI with the details of preparing our dossier, which is the paperwork which will go to Ethiopia and be presented before our referral is given. Oh my goodness! It looks somewhat intimidating. On the other hand, I believe we already collected most of it for our homestudy. So, except a few things, we shouldn't have to collect many more pieces. Then we have to get it certified at the state level before the whole package is taken to be bundled and authenticated. And, then, well, then it goes on to many more hands before it is finally translated in Ehtiopia and we receive the green light. What a bureaucratic mess of red tape this whole ordeal is!!! Here's praying we'll get through this with smooth sailing.

On the List

Today I received a very special piece of information in the mail...our I-171H. Our homestudy is complete and we now have clearance from CIS so we can go on the list for a referral! This could take several months. I'm not sure exactly when we begin to work on our dossier, but I'm sure it will all be happening quickly...Yeah!

License Finally Here!

Yesterday, April 5, was the day! CHI officially received their license from the Ethiopian government. Everyone is so excited! I am very grateful to Sharon Turner, the director of this new program, and all the CHI staff who have worked so hard to get to this day. We are one of 30 families who are in this new ministry of CHI, so it is very thrilling to be a pioneer with the others. What a journey it will be!!!

Finally Started

Well, our journey to Ethiopia officially began March 8, 2007. We had been accepted to Children's Hope International and begun our homestudy process in summer of 2006, but went on hold throughout the fall, feeling as though we had no clear direction on which country program we should join. Finally, in January, our interest was peaked as we read about the new Ethiopia program in which CHI was getting licensed. We met with our social worker, Julia, and the director of the Ehtiopia program, Sharon, in February and made our official change. Our completed homestudy was mailed off on March 8 and we are now awaiting the rest of the journey.